I am now 20. This is not said to you in a jovial or whimsical tone. It is said in a sorrow filled life hating way that makes me have 'November in my soul' - Herman Melville said this and I thought I would borrow it to describe my ageing process.
For one, how the balls did I age this much without even realising? One of my high school friends who is actually a footballer posted today that he had found a grey hair. A GREY HAIR! You know what's next don't you? Marriage and babies and veracious veins, all of which I link together as a threesome of horror. What a hideous reality.
My birthday was fun, actually. Not as amazing as scuba diving in the great barrier reef but as amazing as trudging through mud at a Manchester festival watching Annie Mac and singing 'I'mma ruin you kunt' - This is from a song not some type of attempt to gain attention from Annie. I did spend my night however sleeping on the dirtiest floor I have ever seen. I even tried to sweep it with a jeweled hand brush but to no avail. It was minging.
On the 11th I returned home and was sat in my bedroom awaiting my boyfriend to come on Skype. There was a knock at my bedroom door; 'What?' I answered in a less than friendly tone. Another knock 'Come in then, Christ.' To my joyous horror there stand my blonde bombshell. 'What the BALLS are you doing here?' Not the most lady like of phrases but it was all I could muster giving the true surprise. We are currently not speaking so, swings and roundabouts.
It appears that I have still not quite mastered the rules of these 'games' men play in their crazy little minds. Yes I said little and no, I am not taking it back.
Sincerely,
Bitter and stuff.
